"Gyrus,The Soul Raider"

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"Gyrus,The Soul Raider" Empty "Gyrus,The Soul Raider"

Post by Guest on Wed Jul 24, 2013 8:26 am

Birth Name:Christopher D. Walker (Damion)

Current Alias:Gyrus

Age:16

Gender:Male

Relations:Slade-brother,Thunder Freeze- Cousin

Current Residence:Slade's mansion

Appearance: A Grey/silver hedgehog with golden eyes.he often wears a simple grey hoodie,black jeans,and extra grip sneakers. He wears a necklace with a green orb of light shining.

Abilities:He was given the ability to emit chains from his spine,that he has incredible talent in wielding,not controlling. he has the ability to,if in contact with someone for so long,hack into their soul,possibly draining it,altering it,and them,or just glimpsing into their own world.he can take a beating well,but isn't bullet proof,nor able to catch a bullet.he doesn't have the best of aim with guns,knives and him never agreed.he does however,have incredible endurance for someone his age,giving him the will to fight. The key to these abilities are the mask he wears. With three eyes and a gaping mouth, it can cause many to panic. Once an entity that haunted him, with his brother's, Slade's, help, he took back not only his sanity, and his life. He can make it liquify and melt away, or form on command, and form a large, toothy maw. Be warned, as his judgement is clouded when this is warn, and can very well mistaken you as a threat. he can move with near silence, and attack with great ferocity

Key items: His mask-Once his master,now his power
His necklace- Contains his mothers soul

Beliefs: He has trouble believing in religion,therefore being atheist. he does believe, however, that each being has a personal world,witch they mold with their actions and thoughts, and he can glimpse into this world.

Back story/History:
When he was young, Gyrus, his Brother Slade, and their parents were inĀ  a car crash. His parents passed away, and his brother believed him to have done the same. But in truth, he was placed in a coma from a sharp impact to the head. when he woke,a month later, he woke with no memory. he was taken in by a kind man, who had taken him to the hospital, and lived out of town with the man in peace. but being disconnected from the city did things to his mental health, causing him to long for friends...and blood. he created his own,metal formations of animals.he enjoyed the company,but then turned on the man he called father,slaughtering him. Gyrus enjoyed the sensation of blood on his hands,and thirst for it.he turned left the house, heading to find more prey. in 2 years,he slaughtered 137 civilians.by the age 8,he was a wanted criminal. He was then visited by A demon who went by Corpse,who had his own reasons, and offered to help him. They formed a contract quickly,and soon Corpse was snatching uo the souls of the victims like candy at a parade. When he was 9, Gyrus Joined a Gang called the iron underground, a notorious group that was famous for robberies and escaping. but there was an accident. Gyrus wanted out,and he got out...and was sent straight to hell. he escaped,though, coming to the surface. he then met his friends, but still feared he would become what he was again.after a few years, he discovered a metal that melded with his DNA. it let him shape shift... but was killing him as well.he vanished,searching for a cure.he returned with no memory,and a slave to a beast.he was given mask after mask,each changing him into strange creatures. but then his master came after him,and he was afraid. he ran, and escaped.he gained his memory,and moved in with his friend, Slade. he then was hunted again,and it was much more determined. it took both of them to defeat it,and in doing so realized who he was.Gyrus, Slade's lost little brother was home...

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"Gyrus,The Soul Raider" Empty Re: "Gyrus,The Soul Raider"

Post by lady-tragedy on Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:34 pm

Remember you asked my to critique it and so I will, so lets start with the appearance;

appearance;

Your appearance is kind of lacking here. There's just too little information to form a clear picture of what he looks like. We know he's a hedgehog, We know he has Grey fur and we know what he's wearing yes. But what is his eye color? What do his quills look like? How many quills? how are they styled? Does he have any markings or scars? Also later on you mention a mask but you make no mention of it in his appearance.

Abilities;

First off, let me compliment your attempt to balance your character, you might want to add one or two clearly exploitable weaknesses though. Moving on, the ability to reprograms souls is a tricky and dangerous ability to give a character. Mostly because it requires some powerplaying and godmoding to be most effective. Aside from which you'd need someone's permission to actualy do it. In other words its a power that is hard to do RIGHT. So I'd either give it some extra thought or change it. The chains are a very interesting power though.

As for the mask, it kind of screams BLEACH at me and I haven't watched more then 3 episodes :I It's one of those anime and movie influence things I've talked about in my guide that people often do wrong. I could be wrong as to the source of your inspiration.. but thats what it screams to me and I think probably to some other people as well.

Religion

Not much to say about that 8D looks fine to me

History

Oh good lord almighty :I ok, lets start with the carcrash... how is it no one noticed the body of the youngest child went missing? You say Slade believed him to be dead? but how can he be burried or any such thing if they are missing a body? someone would have noticed aside from which people are usualy identified when put in medical care to contact any relatives.

Also how did he come to have his mothers soul in a necklace? I can't find any information related to that here either?

Moving on to him murdering his care taker.

... HOW?

How does an 8 year old.. or 7 year old... kill a full grown adult? most of the abilities that can are recorded as coming from the mask which he didn't have back then. Also going mentally loopy enough to kill your caretaker because you don't live in a city seems a little far fetched.

Then he continues on killing 136 or so more civilians... being the age he is... and no one hunts him down and shoots him? There'd be a whole hunt for him by the time he'd killed 10 people I recon and even the most cunning child is no match for a police force with hounds :I

The rest is quite plausible where demons are concerned and joining gangs. But the events leading up to it are just...no...

There's a line between fantasy and plain impossibility and that's impossibility D| sorry.


ah, I hope you're not discouraged ^^; Sorry if its all a bit much

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"Gyrus,The Soul Raider" Empty Revised

Post by Guest on Thu Dec 12, 2013 3:01 pm

The history of Gyrus...

at a young age,Gyrus was happy.but that all changed. At age 4,a car crash killed his parents.His older brother Slade had survived,but Gyrus,taking a sharp blow to the head,fell into a coma.A kind man took him to the hospital,as Slade was sent to an orphanage.A month later,Gyrus woke,his memory forgotten.The Hospital found his records,and succeeded in discovering his name,but unfortunantly,he was to be put in an orphanage. At first they were to reunite the brothers,but The man stopped them.He said that The damage to him,and to his brother if he were to know the truth,could be to great.The man took Gyrus as his own,and raised him.they lived far out of town,and were happy.that's when the mask arrived.A silver mask,belonging to the Mans brother,a priest,had been delivered,as of the Priest's will. the mask had little detail, only having 3 eyes.the man didn't think much of it,and tossed it in the attic.That's when It began. Gyrus,wanting to get a better look at the mask,snuck up an swiped it. he began to wear it and ply with it like any other toy.but little did he,nor the man know what the mask was.That mask contained the soul of an evil craftsman, who had used forbidden magic to seal soul's of the inoccent inside his craft,wooden masks.he had chosen 3 masks inparticular to do this with.A Bat,A wolf,And an Imp.With each soul,the magic that embued the masks would build.They became the Three Masks Of souls Bane. each mask had gained incredible power,and we're able to form their own Bodies from the souls they fed off of.this had been a terrible event,as they slaughter hundreds under The Craftsman's Commands,each victem giving them more power.after 3 long years,a group had formed.4 priest who had studied his magic.they found a way to stop him.There were 3 Masks.They knew only one priest would survive. they used the craftsman's own black magic against him.3 of the priest managed to wear the masks of the beasts,while the fourth finished the spell.using the three masks he created,and the life energies of the 3 masked priest,they placed 3 seals on a single mask.the mask he wore as a symbol of his power.his own soul was sealed inside. the Last living priest took the mask and locked it away,having a single child trained in the way of the priest,and passed it down.for 16 generations it was kept safe,before the man's brother had fallen ill,and passed away before he could have children.each priest had sacrificed the elder before them to restore the seals,so his father wasn't an option.his brother was the last of the blood line.unfortunately, the craftsman's soul was strong as ever,and when Gyrus put on the mask for the first time,the Craftsman was able to speak.he began whispering thoughts and lies to the young hedgehog,goading him into being a deviant little beast.animal cruelty was first.The craftsman had let Gyrus get the feel for blood.as Gyrus began to lose his innocence,he tried to fight back,building metal sculptures to distract himself from the whispers.his proudest being a metal bear he named Ryden.This only gave the craftsman an improved toy,and embued the young hedgehog with the ability to control his creations.Gyrus began to slip from sanity as the voice was his only company.that's when he turned. The Craftsman had grown tired of animals,and turned Gyrus on the one he called father.Gyrus ordered the metal beasts he had created to slaughter the man.the blood that soaked the floor was all he needed to seal the deal.Gyrus had loved the thrill,and craved more.2 years later,he had managed to kill many more. his count was at 136,and he wouldn't stop.with metal beasts at his gaurd,police were no issue,and he continued.Another Player joined the game.A demon,Who went by corpse,had kept his eye on the young hedgehog.He needed souls,and Gyrus could provide them without the demons interference. the contract they made was simple.Gyrus provided the Souls,and Corpse provided the locations. The carnage continued for several more years.Corpse had made out like a bandit.Unfortunately The craftsman was no longer getting the souls he wanted,and the mask vanished.Gyrus had barely noticed,as the mask had left him his abilities.then,at the age 12,after a total of 374 murders,the group called the Iron underground had recruited Gyrus.They wanted his talent and wanted a fall back incase they were caught.Gyrus played along,but eventually was tired of this,and wanted out with the mask gone,his want for killing had all but vanished.he was tired of this life,and attempted to leave.the underground had other ideas.an explosion at the warehouse had ended the hedgehogs life,and with the seriousness of his crimes, Corpse had no chance of keeping his soul.Gyrus spent several months,though the felt like decades,in the fires of the underworld.the contract with,the demon now broken.The craftsman Was back,and managed to haul Gyrus from the fiery depths. seeing the horrors of hell had changes him,and he took to a new life.2 years later,emerald coast was his home.as nobody truely knew the name of mass murdering child,he was safe.he reunited with Slade,though neither knew the truth,and his new friends.they got along fine,until his brush with death reminded him why he was,or rather made him forget.after finding a odd metal that had melded with his anatomy,his DNA began to deterriorate,and he began to die.he vanished searching for a cure.a year later h reappeared,with no memory of the past few years,and A wooden wolf Mask.the craftsman had left him a gift.the primal instincts that the mask held clouded his mind,and he couldn't control himself.after being defeated by Slade and his friends,he slowly began to price together his past.The Craftsman wasn't happy.it began to haunt Gyrus on his own accord,and forced itself on gyrus,trying to take his soul as its own.Gyrus struggled,and with slades help,they defeated the Craftsman's soul in Gyrus'.it turned out that Gyrus had the unique ability to connect with others,and that his parents soul's had been held with him.over the years.upon realizing this, Gyrus place the two inside seperate necklaces,giving one to slade.Each had the soul of a parent,and the brothers realized,after a confrontation with their long dead parents,who they were.Slade happily took Gyrus home,and for afew months,it was good.but slowly the abilities and gifts given by the craftsman faded,and Gyrus was little more than a hedgehog,until his very soul was taken by the very demon he had dealt with.Corpse found Gyrus,and took him back to where he belonged.Hell.he spent a single year in hell, before realization dawned on him.the mask had pulled him out.and he felt the evil that had held him as a minion so long still inside.Gyrus slowly dragged himself, for a second time,back to the surface.He wouldn't able to do it again.he knew.unfortunately the magic that.had kept him in good condition was dead now,and his body was nothing more than a walking corpse.The only thing that kept him alive was His soul connection,planting his own soul deep within his corpse.it was hard at first,but he soon mastered his body once more,with benefits. Since he was dead,the only thing holding him back was his own limitations,and as he began to rot,they were near gone.His muscles unrestrained,his strength was greater.his lack of need for breath let him travel underwater and the gun his 'father' had owned was his weapon.He was different.,ad he liked it that way...

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