Possible critique/advice?

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Possible critique/advice?

Post by LeftHandofLight on Tue Nov 08, 2016 3:58 am

So, I've posted two OCs on the wiki so far, but since they were premade (I revamped Chant right before I posted his current bio, so that counts ad brand new I guess) It really hasn't felt like I've gone back and reassessed or changed anything. tbh I can't personally find any mistakes that I can fix or stuff that I can elaborate on, so could one of you help? Whether it be the design or the bio itself, it would be lovely to have some feedback, especially since I don't want my characters to be underdeveloped, uninteresting. 

Chant and Vihn's profile are linked in my signature, the profiles for the other two sprites (The Purple Starfish and Blue Lion) haven't been put on this forum yet, though.

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Re: Possible critique/advice?

Post by Peter-Gold the Hedgehog on Tue Apr 18, 2017 2:26 am

Dude, no offense but your OC's are WHACK. If the head of Sega, Matsuro Hikamishi, saw those he'd commit seppuku. Wow! Just pitiful!

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Re: Possible critique/advice?

Post by LeftHandofLight on Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:39 pm

I'm flattered that you made an entirely new account just so you could say that, but could you go into more detail? I need specific problems to fix

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Re: Possible critique/advice?

Post by Seraph on Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:32 pm

Saying the characters are "whack", and not giving any advice on how to fix them- or even a reason why you think this is so- is not a critique.

LeftHandofLight, just from looking over your characters' profiles, I can tell you've put quite a bit of thought into them. I like the amount of detail you've given them. You've asked for a critique, so I'll take a closer look at the profiles and try to critique them as best I can. I'll do one at a time, since I'm particularly ADD today and will tangle myself up in my own thoughts otherwise. lol

Okay, let's start with Chant. Right off the bat, I like his design. He's a hedgehog with identifiable quills, but he doesn't look anything like Sonic, Shadow, or Silver. That's not something I see very often. My only suggestion here, and it has nothing to do with the design itself, is to perhaps darken and add some contrast to the image? It's just a little hard for me to see. Although, this could also be due to my monitor.

As far as personality goes, I can't spot anything that I think needs changing. He's not over the top, but yet still interesting enough to be relatable.

I'll cover the history section next, as usually the backstory has more to do with a character's personality than anything else. Again, everything here looks good. There are no dead parents or any other kind of similar edginess. I like the whole Project VERSETTO thing, being based off ancient, magical relics; it fits right along in with things like the Gizoids and Chaos.

One thing I noticed, however, is that his childhood wasn't mentioned at all. Now, with canons like Tails and Amy being eight and twelve, with no parents around, and no explanation as to why, I honestly don't think it's a necessity. But it would be nice to maybe have a short, little paragraph to give a general idea of how he grew up.

Now we'll move onto combat. He seems well balanced; both his weaknesses and strengths make sense. He's not godlike, but at the same time, he can handle himself. I like that.

With that said, I only have two problems with his section:
1. Weaknesses and strengths really shouldn't be related to just physicality and combat. We know from the personality section that he has traits that could either help or hinder him. Maybe you could expand on those a bit here?
2. To me, the description of his attacks was a little confusing. This could just be me being a dummy, but I'm having trouble picturing what he's doing and how it all happens. For example, does he carry around a violin to play his bow on, or does he just play it on whatever surface he can find? Does it somehow play on the air? And if so, how? The energy absorption is interesting, but how does it work? Like, if someone shoots a fireball at him, can the bow absorb it and blow it back in their face?

Overall, I find Chant to be an interesting, balanced and well thought-out character, with very little to fix. I have a few errands to run at the moment, but I'll come back later and go over Vihn and Arid in another post.

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Re: Possible critique/advice?

Post by LeftHandofLight on Wed Apr 19, 2017 4:02 am

Thank you for taking a look at my OCs, Seraph ^^

To answer your questions:  I'm personally not a fan of right out listing strengths and weaknesses. I find it a lot more satisfying to write them into the bio itself since it takes a little bit more nuance.

For as how the weapon works: he doesn't fight with a violin, just the bow itself. I thought it would be a neat idea to have a bow that could create euphonic sound from any surface struck. While he can't just absorb projectiles or fireballs shot at him, I thought it would be a neat idea that if he could use the bow on an enemy, he could steal and utilize energy from the opponent. Chant would have to do this, or at least find material or set pieces to use in order to empower his weapon, otherwise it's just a normal bow

as to how he utilizes it. Imagine if someone came up to you and dragged a violin bow across your face. That would steal energy and empower the weapon. After that, he could wield it like a lightsaber, but the energy isn't infinite. It works like a battery, slowly draining with each strike. The other option, and the more defensive/escape based one is to release all of this energy at once. It would form a sonic blast that would knock everyone away.

To balance the ability to simply take energy from material, it isn't as viable as taking it from a person. Like, if you used it on a random rock, it would make an ugly sound and it would only be empowered for one strike. If he used it on something like a live wire or white-hot metal, it would be empowered with electric/fire attributes, but it would fade out quickly.

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Re: Possible critique/advice?

Post by Seraph on Sat Apr 22, 2017 1:22 am

Sorry for the long wait; I ended up being a lot busier than I thought I would.

Wow, Chant's bow sounds really cool and interesting. It's quite a creative weapon; you must've put a lot of thought into it. Thanks for explaining it to me. Smile

All righty, here we go with Vihn. First off, I like the choice of species. There aren't too many dog characters (excluding wolves), for whatever reason, and it's easy to tell that he's a cocker spaniel. I also like his design in general; it's distinctive but simple, with a nice choice of colors that are tied together well. There's nothing in this section to fix, in my opinion. (And I really like that hat.)

I like his personality, too. He's extroverted and pleasant to socialize with, but yet not very open. It makes sense with his backstory, and I think it's a relatable and realistic way for him to act. He sounds like he'd be very interesting to roleplay with.

His backstory is original and interesting, but yet not over the top or edgy. I really like what you did with the wisps, and the fact that it's the mob that's trying to stop them. It's much more interesting than some cookie cutter, do-gooder organization trying to save everyone simply because heroes r c00l. Grey is always better than black and white.

Now onto combat. His abilities are interesting and creative, but not overpowered. And like with Chant, his strengths and weaknesses make sense, and that Air Grind is such a neat idea. :3

I really can't think of anything that could be fixed with Vihn. I think he's a solid character all around.

Now we have Arid.. Who's friggin adorable! Like, I wanna hug him. (Of course, I could be a bit biased here; I love cats and the color aqua.) I like the contrast of the color of his fur, and that of his mane, ruff and tuft on his tail. A suggestion I have would be to maybe alter the shape of his eyes a bit. Right now they're not very cat-like and kind of.. err, hedgehog-y? Separating his eyes into two separate sections (like say, Tails and Blaze's are, for example) and narrowing them just a tiny bit might help.

As for personality, I like that he relies on smarts to win, as opposed to just brawling it out. I also like that he tries to stay middle of the road, not a pushover, but not an ignorant jerk either. It's nice to have characters that aren't totally one extreme.

His backstory is simple enough and fitting, but is still interesting, and I like the idea of a demonic infection. My only suggestions here would be to give us a glimpse of what his everyday life was like before he found the talisman. He lives on a tropical island. Is it a remote one? What does he do to get by, and is there anything else about his life that's noteworthy? And perhaps you could expand on Taikokami a bit? What people was he a deity of? How was he worshiped?

As far as combat goes, Arid seems well balanced, with some interesting techniques. I particularly like that he uses martial arts, both because it's not overused and because, well, I like martial arts. One thing you may want to add is what style of martial arts he primarily uses. Or is it more or less a mix of several different ones?

As for the AU info, what you have there is quite interesting and unique, particularly the Peacemaker Knuckle. His history here is just as interesting as his original backstory, and I like the whole story behind how he decided to get into medicine.

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