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I wrote (Part of) a book!

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I wrote (Part of) a book! Empty I wrote (Part of) a book!

Post by Thunder Fri Sep 09, 2016 4:12 am

Hi everyone, I know I'm not the most active person, and I probably won't even finish what I have started but I want feedback on what I have written, So as some of you know most of my rp ideas and even ones I do take place in other dimensions, and i really like this and I want to expand into that so what I have written is a story idea that has been incubating in my head for a few months now and about an hour ago I started to write at one point i had an entire page hated how it was going and started again, I have about half of a page of a little sample of the story right in the begining but I want to make more and get a little feedback from this community so here I go

Ascending 
By: Thunder
My eyes flicker open, I see a blue sky so clear with clouds dotted through the sea I see, and all I remember is falling.
Let me give you a little background. Hi there I'm the protagonist Garret, I know this is a major rule that you are not supposed to break but I can't help myself where did that wall go, I wonder... Anyway I'm Garret your average 17 year old high school Senior, or well I used to be. Let me tell you the story. It was a clear fall day in my home town which does not really matter anymore, I was on my way to school no problems until there was this large flash of blue and gold light, next I knew I was surrounded by darkness falling into a bright light at the bottom ever so slightly getting larger, As I passed through the gate of light I was surrounded with a Picturesque view of a field beneath me with the view of a forrest and behind that a large village with a castle in the center with a now overused scene of the sun either rising or setting behind it. Oddly now that I was falling at Terminal Velocity i landed in the field gently only to pass out a few seconds later because I thought I was going to die.


I am open to complete criticism and it doesn't even have to help me, I read this over and i know it needs lots of polishing but I want some feedback on where i should take the story or if i should change something Although I have a picture in my head on what I want I still want some feedback, so be free to tear me apart suggest what kinds of characters should be in the story and stuff like that. Thanks for your time spent reading this.
Thunder
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Post by Dogy9978 Sat Sep 10, 2016 8:40 am

I love it when characters break the fourth wall like that. Was Garret teleported randomly or intentionally?
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Post by Thunder Sun Sep 11, 2016 5:47 am

If I said it might spoil the plot slightly, but just saying that kinda gives it away.
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