Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

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Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Tue Dec 29, 2015 4:16 pm

Upon seeing the chocolate bar, Shade froze in anger. He twitched a little and he made two fists in his hands.His eyes turned purple in rage and his voice was huge and loud, "WHAT? HOW DO YOU HAVE A CHOCOLATE BAR?" Shade then hovered into the air and pointed a purple, telekinetic beam at Boubka as he yelled, "GAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" Purple waves come off Shade like radiation. He loved chocolate, almost as much as waffles.
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Post by CyanFox on Tue Dec 29, 2015 7:10 pm

"Well I always have a spare one in my pocket and-" Boubka noticed Shade went rage mode and decided that he could better dodge that shot by jumping backwards. His only half eaten chocolate bar had to suffer for this action, seeing as it now lay on the floor. Unedible. "...what..." Boubka's eyes started to glow heavily. ".....WHAT....WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING? ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR MIND?! THAT WAS A PERFECT CHOCOLATE BAR. I COULD'VE SHARED IT WITH YOU YA KNOW?!" Boubka growled at Shade. Then he shot a beam at the floating Shade that was half the size of him, glowing dangerously radiating green.


Last edited by CyanFoxboy on Wed Dec 30, 2015 9:52 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Tue Dec 29, 2015 7:23 pm

Shade felt offended that Boubka accused him of being insane, "I AM NOT INSANE! AND WHY WOULD I SHARE A CHOCOLATE BAR WITH SOMEONE I DON'T EVEN KNOW?" Shade noticed the beam and tried to dodge it. He almost succeeded, serving out the way but was hit in the side and hit back along the hallway until it made a turn so Shade banged into the wall. He was half in the wall and his rage mode had ended.

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Post by CyanFox on Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:54 pm

Boubka looked angry but mostly confused. "Well what are you angry about then?!" Oh wait! He needed to focus! He calmed a bit down, although he was still a bit angry that Shade just wasted a good chocolate bar. It'd only help him to have no mercy. This was an amazing point to do a major hard kickass attack. Boubka ran at Shade while slowly creating a bigger and menacing Chaos gauntlet. "RRRRRRR"

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Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Wed Dec 30, 2015 5:19 pm

Shade focused and looked around, "ago that hurt!" He noticed Boubka running at him but noticed an odd tile on the ground, "are you a pressure plate?" He ignored it for now and with a grunt and a sigh, Shade managed to climb out the wall. Using his powers, he created this purple haze around his fists. He then ran at Boubka, glaring.

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Post by CyanFox on Thu Dec 31, 2015 11:41 am

Shade began to run at Boubka. What was that guy thinking? Does he....Does he have a plan? Boubka was confused, but he couldn't turn back now. He pushed the gauntlet surrounding his fist forward. There was no way Shade could dodge the gauntlet, it has been grown to quite a large size. Maybe he could go over it?

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Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Thu Dec 31, 2015 2:57 pm

Shade knew there was nothing else to do. He ran at Boubka and the purple covered both his hands. He had an adrenaline rush to keep him running and Shade thrusts his fist into Boubka's.

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Post by CyanFox on Thu Dec 31, 2015 3:14 pm

Boubka's one gauntlet covered both of Shade's fists in the clash. Two amazing forces were pushed against eachother, Boubka pushed with all his might, but couldn't get through Shade's power. The gauntlet exploded, pushing Boubka back and sending him flying. He fell down in the destroyed part that once was the lightened room. There were a few abrations on his back. It stinged like hell. He stood up, pushing his clothes against his wounds, so that the wounds would hurt less.

That took a lot of chaos energy. It wasn't a real problem, seeing as his adrenaline peaked and it would regenerate in no time. His physical energy on the other hand wasn't that easy to get back. He breathed heavily. His back hurted so bad, but he couldn't give up. Now to find out how Shade was doing after this huge blow.

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Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Thu Dec 31, 2015 5:48 pm

When the gauntlet first exploded, Shade didn't feel anything. When he was struck back, felt a ton of physical pain. After rolling along the ground, the purple haze around his hands disappeared. He was lying on the ground and he hurt everywhere, especially in his arms. Fortunately, due to being half Lazaris (don't ask what it is, I made it up), he didn't possess any bruises or marks, "ow!" He could move but it was very painful. Slowly, he moved from lying on the ground to on his knees.

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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by Dregan on Fri Jan 01, 2016 2:33 pm

Happy New Year! This topic is now closed!
Thank you for participating in Round 2 of The Tremendous Tribulations Tournament! Judging shall commence soon to decide a victor for this battle!

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Post by Uncanny-Illustrator on Sun Jan 10, 2016 11:35 am

Entertainment
Boubka: Hey, remembered how last fight I said that the serious and dramatic turn there really didn't suit you and that you should stick to more light hearted? Because it seems like you did and god it fits well with your writing and character. You got multiple good laughs out of me and it was a lot of fun to read through this match because of it. Honestly it could've continued on 3 more pages and I would still want more. I think my only critique this time is that your posts could've been a tad longer, but that's it. - 8.5/10
Shade: I admit, it took me a few posts to get into your writing, but once I did, I dug it. It fits the nature of this fight really well and fits to the character and their behavior it feels.You managed to get me to chuckle twice and overall I did really enjoy your writing, there are minor points though that did take me out of it at times though, things that I will discuss in the other sections. - 7/10

Creativity

Boubka: One thing I was really worried about this fight, was that maybe the maze and it's traps wouldn't be used that much, but I was gladly surprised that that wasn't the case. You utilized the traps dang well and actually thought up the one with the bomb that I never had even thought off. The only butt I have here is that Bou's attacks felt a bit, similar. Nothing different in his attacks but at the same time, it still fits. It feels like that it is still in character and would kinda out of character for him to suddenly think of different strategies. I LIKE.- 8/10
Shade: Creativity certainly was present as you, just like Boubka, used the traps in your posts. Though you only used the one idea for a trap...twice. Random giant boulder and a net of giant boulders. But then again you also had the shaking hallway which was really unique in it's own rights and another one I hadn't even thought off myself.That and fight wise, there just was this section where he just..kept running and running.  - 7/10

Balance
Boubka: Writing wise in general you did exactly what you had to, you took hits, you landed them. All works well. What I want to bring up though, at the small details I noticed in this fight. When looking at it all in a first glance, Bou seems to  be quite unbalanced, but as I read on I realized it wasn't the case. Small things such as Bou being slower than the other, clearly having a lower stamina. It works, it feels like if the character was in an RPG they would have a lot of points in strength but noticeable less in speed and stamina stat wise so it works out.- 8/10
Shade: On the based stand points you did well, you took hits, you landed some, allowed change to dodge, all that good stuff. Power-wise for the character though...They felt kinda really unbalanced. Their powers seem strong as heck, he literally felt no pain except that one moment, he didn't get injuries at all because sudden mcguffin reason. He is strong, fast, takes no actual damage...see what I am getting at?- 6.5/10

Clarity
Boubka: Thee were a few spots where I had to reread small bits, but overall I have no complains here. I was well able to envision what happened and was able to keep track of what was happening. Maybe include a bit more detail in the future? Otherwise no complaints at all. - 8.5/10
Shade: This is the big one that will cost points, not gonna lie. There were multiple instances where I had to re-read, but I figure it was due to auto-correct and typing from a tablet so no big deal there, not gonna count that. What I will count are things I genuinely didn't understand. With the big highlight being the chao. Why was it suddenly there? What was the purpose? Also why did they suddenly just seem to disappear and never be mentioned in the rest of the fight? That at some times the actions you described were kinda really hard to follow as to what actually was going on. And the sudden fact that he took no bruises???? You even admitted you just made it up at the spot, why? These bits are also what really dipped my entertainment of the fight. - 5/10

Totals
Boubka: 8.5+8+8+8.5= 33
Shade: 7+7+6.5+5= 25.5
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Post by Dregan on Wed Feb 24, 2016 1:50 am

Okay, first thing's first to both of you - really enjoyable fight! And I mean that quite genuinely, this fight was really just... fun. I admit, I do feel in a way you sorta... overused the traps to the point sometimes they often distracted from the fight itself, and the whole business with the chocolate bar was... all kinds of odd. Still, it was a quality bout, and you should both be very happy! Now, onto the specifics for each of you;

Entertainment
Shade - Okay, I'm gonna be straight-up honest with you. I did not give you enough credit mentally because this battle came to fruition, because I was not expecting to be entertained by you nearly as much as I was. You had some real fun writing, with a nice eye for detail at points - such as your character knocking his hand against a wall when running, or keeping an eye out for escape routes as he made his way into the battle.
I will say, however, it may've been nice to've seen you be a bit more consistent with that - there were certain points of the battle where your quality evidently dipped, posts shrinking in size and sorta becoming a list of 'this happened, then this happened, then this'. These really stood out when compared to your more adventurous posts, and it feels a shame they were there when you were providing us with your own evidence that your were better than that.
I think you also worked towards sorta prolonging some of the breaks in the action a little more than neccesary. We had Boubka break off at one point, only to return... and Shade to then immediately run off himself. That and the rather random appearance and brief drama with Blimp (which almost instantly resolved itself) sorta slowed things down a bit I feel.
Still, to end of a positive at least; "Thank you boulders that almost killed me," gave me a real kick. You have a nice quirky character - and when your focus is there with that, you're solid. 7/10

Boubka - I'mma say this one right now. Boubka's positivity is goddamn infectious. He's just such a pleasant character to read, really enjoyable to see in action. I'm especially in love with the certain details such as him not being able to stop moving, thumbing to his chest and such when he talks and all that sort of thing. Plus the displays of his personality in things like offering Shade to go first, or dropping everything to just be like; "I know this is a fight dude, but seriously, like, run, there's a bomb behind us!"
Though, uh, on the note of that bomb. I will say, I really did appreciate your thought to include the traps in your writing, though I feel at times your approach to them upset the flow somewhat. Rather than intertwining many of the traps into the action, you almost sorta stopped the action to set aside 'trap time'. It gave a very stop-start feel to the fight which is unfortunate.
Still, overall, goddamn I enjoy reading your stuff. It makes me happy. Happy is good. 8.5/10

Creativity
Shade - Good! Real good! The boulder trap, for one, was a good establishing trap to set up the arena with, and the earth-shaking trap was really unique. I also think you took a creative approach to how you interacted with the environment on even a basic level, like the previously mentioned hand knocking against the wall, or catching the lever for a trap as he tried to support himself falling. Reading things like that was a real treat.
Also, I sorta liked the mirroring of Boubka at the end. Using the magic (or psychic?) gauntlets against the chaos gauntlets created a real nice moment. I enjoyed it! 8/10

Boubka - Traps. Traps everywhere. So lessee, we got spike traps, arrows through hallways, a goddamn bomb, you went to town on this arena. I enjoyed seeing your character even consider how he could potentially use the traps to his advantage against Shade - kind of disappointed though that that never came to fruition.
I will say, really did love the very early use of Chaos Control to slow time to dodge the spike trap. It was a nice li'l touch/use of the power, having Boubka use it to give him more time to get a bearing on things and dodge. Overall, good show! 8/10

Balance
Shade - Yooouuuu... you are probably one of my go-to examples for this at the moment. You took your fair share of hits without going so far as to make it 'look at me being hit by everything, aren't I balanced?' You didn't force your hits, and you allowed your character to make mistakes and get hurt due to his own ordeals as well as just what was set up by your opponent.
I also appreciated the 'blocking attacks but still taking the brunt of them'. In particular defending against a Chaos Gauntlet punch from Boubka, whilst still letting it bowl him off his feet. I really really go in for that sort of thing. 10/10

Boubka - Near perfect. Neeeaaar perfect. Once again, took your share of hits, didn't force any attacks you dealt out, and similar to Shade, you allowed Boubka to suffer for his own mistakes. Not only that, your descriptions on how the wear-and-tear of the combat was impacting Boubka, and the way you described the injuries... that was fantastic!
The only thing I'd take issue with is certain minor implications in your writing. For example, a sentence here and there where you wrote things such as; 'Boubka saw Shade, but Shade had not seen him!' Sorta takes a li'l of the power away from your opponent if you take the chance for them to even notice your character. Still, as I say, it was only minor, and beyond that, you were pretty much perfect in my mind! 9.5/10

Clarity
Shade - Erk... unfortunately, this really was your weak point in the battle. I mean, I will say for a start, your grammar, uh, isn't great. Still, that at least was still understandable - a lack of capitalisation and such never prevented me from getting what you were saying.
I will say as well, you seemed to... improve, as the battle went on. I have a note here saying for you to break up paragraphs a bit more. Towards the end, you certainly were breaking things up, early on however... Everything you posted was just one big wad of text, all glued together. Once again, it was readable, but it felt really heavy going just to go through these big swathes of text which never once broke line.
I think the major issue though - and this is one you're probably already aware of - the consistent use of wrong words, usually due to autocorrect I would imagine. Now, I will admit, I found calling Boubka 'Bosnia' hilarious, and I'm disappointed that turned out to be a mistake. The problems continued to occur and well... simply put, it really felt you needed to re-read your posts before you sent them. Autocorrect is easy enough to get around if you go back and fix it, and there were a fair few points you really should've gone back and fixed to make your posts more understandable. It's a real shame, because in the end, this is really the one key thing to've dragged your score down. 6.5/10

Boubka - Mostly all good here! There are a few small elements of structure in writing you may want to look into - such as li'l basic things like 'Starting a new line for a new character talking, to avoid confusion on who's talking'. You also could maybe do with just re-reading certain sentences before you post 'em. I did notice at least one post where you changed from past tense, to present tense, and back to past again. Still, this is all minor stuff, and overall, good reading! 9/10

Dregan's Overall Awarded Scores;

Shade - 7 + 8 + 10 + 6.5 = 31.5/40

Boubka - 8.5 + 8 + 9.5 + 9 = 35/40

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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by Electrisa on Tue Mar 15, 2016 10:25 pm

..Well, hey, for once I don't actually know who's gonna win in my books BEFORE I do the actual point judging.

Shade!

Entertainment -YOUR CHARACTER BEING SO CHEERY MAKES ME HAPPY. While I don't like it when posts are.. really long to the point of repeating every small detail and including completely needless information, I'd say that maaaaybe yours could use a bit more description, especially on Shade's state and maybe.. how his powers worked? Like it took me a while to understand his were purely telekinetic and not like Bou said, magic. ..Which are two different things for me, to be clear. ..Though that bit I'm counting to clarity rather than here. But, overall, I liked your posts, and the tricks Shade pulled on Bou, that was cool! What fault I could find for the both of you was a bit of.. overreacting here and there. Especially on the chocolate bit, that was a bit more "lol random" funny, buut it worked well with characters' personality, so I can let that sliiide.

8/10

Creativity - Can't say you weren't creative with the traps for sure. And I liked the idea of hide and seek here more than in another fight in this round. ..Eeven if it didn't quite work out in the end. Your attacks varied too, which is nice! Though about the traps still, there were a bit TOO many. Like, there was an exchange of two punches, and then a whole page of just traps and running from them rather than fights.

6/10


Balance - ...Well. You didn't dodge attacks, which was good. Though the fact that apparently being half Lazaris (it'd be really nice if you provided some description for it rather than just leave the name here and expect us to know what to do about it) left you without wounds isss less good. It's not fun watching a fight where someone simply can't get hurt despite taking hits. WE'RE HERE FOR BLOOD AND MURDER ..But at the same time you were still affected by those things, despite not being wounded?? So I can't say you weren't entirely unfair

7,5/10

Clarity - Well, that's the one I'm the least happy about. Your writing was usually good, just, sometimes a misspell or a slip up in grammar happened. I'm.. mainly confused about the sudden chao appearance. Was he there from the beginning? Was it Shade's chao? He wasn't mentioned at all in the beginning? And like I said in entertainment, I was a bit confused on how Shade's powers worked. A bit more description here and there would be good. Also, Shade asking a tile a question. Silly Shade. Tiles can't talk.

5/10

26,5/40



Boubka!

Entertainment - Same as with Shade - your character is so cheerful and lovable, I couldn't not have fun with this fight. Again, there was a bit of overreacting, but here I know Bou and I know his love for chocolate has no bounds. Your posts were mostly a bit more detailed than Shade's. Not MUCH more, but enough for me for sure! Though you did repeat yourself here and there a few times. Bou has some nice lines though C: ALSO, FIST EXPLOSIONS

8/10

Creativity - Well, same as Shade again, you did use traps to the fullest it'd seem. Though bomb was a bit too much because, again, wow where's my blood and guts why are they helping each other. Why didn't Bou hurl the bomb at Shade.

4/10

Balance - ...I'm a bit on the edge here. You dodged a lot. But even when you did, Bou was affected in some way. (sometimes a bit too much for my taste, even). You did notice when Shade had the advantage and when Bou did though, and that's good. And also, using a lot of attacks had an effect on Bou too, AND THAT'S GOOD TOO CAUSE FOR SOME REASON NOT EVERYONE REMEMBER ABOUT IT \o/ Oh also, Bou had a moral conflict too, yes good.

7,5/10

Clarity - Well, you also happened to have some grammar mistakes here and there. Aaand I was a bit confused on the bullet attack, with the word 'shot' rather than 'created' or something, I thought Bou was shooting them directly from his hand and not like, creating them and THEN shooting. Other than that, I had no problem!

9/10

28,5/40
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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by Dregan on Tue Mar 15, 2016 10:55 pm

Overall Scores:

Shade - 25.5+31.5+26.5 = 83.5/120

Boubka - 33+35+28.5 = 96.5/120

Your Winner For This Round;

Boubka!

Congratulations!

Topic now unlocked so people can finish up the combat if they so wish. You may also go rejoin the Lounge if you so wish to kick some life back into there!

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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by CyanFox on Wed Mar 16, 2016 6:06 am

"Hngh...." Boubka slowly got up. He had to continue. He knew that Shade didn't have lots of power left too, he looked weakened too, but he didn't seem to have any bruises. He made a deal with himself. If Shade would be in a favourable position next to his own, he would give up, otherwise he'd try to go on. That plan sounded reasonable to himself.

He quickly stood up, trying to ignore the burning pains in his back and ran towards the place where the gauntlets met. He saw a figure on his knees close to the wall that was the direct opposite way of him. He had enough adrenaline pumped into himself to activate a chaos control.
The flow of time decreased to a point where it almost stopped. Boubka quickly ran towards the time frozen Shade, who couldn't do anything about Bou getting closer. When he was in front of him, the time flow went back to normal. Boubka held his right hand towards Shade. It was glowing.
"It's better if you give up now. You have no way to go." Because of all the pressure that was laid on to Bou, he wasn't able to see that Shade didn't had any bruises.
"We've fought a great fight, but it's time to stop...."

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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Wed Mar 16, 2016 8:00 am

(Thanks for all the help judges. I'll definitely try and improve on my posts and keep up what I did right. I wonder if you are still reading this topic actually?)

Shade was on his knees, leaning against a wall. His eyes were closed and Shade was hurting all over. Shade's hearing was affected from the blast. All he could hear was a low drone. He began to sob randomly.

Shade was so weak he could barely push himself off the wall. Shade held his head in his hands then took his hands away immediately, "ow!" He shouted. Opening his eyes hurt and his vision was blurry, probably because his eyes were wet from tears. He noticed a glow running towards him. He squinted his eyes to try and see better. His vision soon returned to normal after his rubbed his eyes, which stung.

Shade realised that Boubka was talking to him, his hand glowing. Shade looked at Boubka's face but couldn't make out what he was saying, "pardon?" He shouted again.

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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by CyanFox on Thu Mar 17, 2016 3:58 pm

Boubka looked away for a moment. Couldn't he just listen the first time? I mean, he's not able to win from this point. Isn't it obvious what he has to do? "I said," He raised his voice. "You have no way to go, give up." Boubka's legs were shaking. The pain in his back stung even more than before. Couldn't he just hurry up for a moment? He wanted to refresh himself.

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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Rprvqym
Character Bios:
Boubka Frolig   Alina Marilayra   Craid Taron   Luka Frolig   Prescill Marilayra
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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Thu Mar 17, 2016 4:34 pm

Shade's hearing was getting better, "oh well," he said, his voice slightly quieter than before, "I'm not giving up anytime soon," he slowly stood up, his legs shaking and sore, he looked at his hands then saw. No, it couldn't be. Could it? His hands were scarred. Bruised and cut. Shade gasped.

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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by CyanFox on Thu Mar 17, 2016 9:34 pm

Having the feeling that Shade could strike any moment, Boubka held his hand on Shade's head, giving him a few shocks because of this, while he tried to push him back down. "G....GIVE UP! DO IT. THEN WE'RE DONE." A moment of silence. "I don't wanna hurt ya anymore you know? You're looking kinda messed up and we also need to find a way out of here. I'm clearly at a big advantage point here so GIVE. UP." Did he had to make it more clear to him? Gosh darnit this guy looked like he had the same determination as he himself has.

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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Rprvqym
Character Bios:
Boubka Frolig   Alina Marilayra   Craid Taron   Luka Frolig   Prescill Marilayra
My beautiful profile picture was drawn by the fabulous and spectacular Uncanny-Illustrator!
CyanFox
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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Fri Mar 18, 2016 7:31 am

Shade didn't really know what to do. He was determined to keep fighting but he was in no state to do so. The shock that went into Shade only made him ¿more ready?.

Shade pushed against Boubka's hand, beginning to stand taller, "I feel the same. I dont want to fight," he was no longer shouting, " but I'll will never stop fighting."

Shade looked at his hurt hands then at Boubka. He sighed and did the only thing Shade thought he could. Shade hugged Boubka, "I won't hurt you if you won't hurt me?"

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Even the largest of leaps can't be accomplished by first learning to walk.

I'm an Avenger who left the Shire and attended Hogwarts to become a Jedi.

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Profile Picture created by: ForevaYoung
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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by CyanFox on Sun Mar 20, 2016 10:35 am

"HNGH!" Boubka tried to back away, afraid of Shade that would've might attacked him, but instead, he got a hug. Boubka hugged back, but he was still a bit careful. It also felt a bit weird to hug somebody you're supposed to be fighting with.

"I won't...Let's get outta here."  And then Bou and Shade found a way out, because Bou really wanted to go back to the lounge.

(So Shade gave up?)

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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Rprvqym
Character Bios:
Boubka Frolig   Alina Marilayra   Craid Taron   Luka Frolig   Prescill Marilayra
My beautiful profile picture was drawn by the fabulous and spectacular Uncanny-Illustrator!
CyanFox
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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Sun Mar 20, 2016 1:01 pm

(Basically, yeah. But hey, we all lived happily ever after?)

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I'm an Avenger who left the Shire and attended Hogwarts to become a Jedi.

Proud Creator of: Shade the Lazarhog

Profile Picture created by: ForevaYoung
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Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade - Page 2 Empty Re: Round 2; Boubka Vs. Shade

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