A Review Of Character

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A Review Of Character Empty A Review Of Character

Post by Dregan on Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:00 pm

Hey all, it be Dregan! And I have a proposition for you.
As some of you may know - especially those who spend time in the Artwork area - I have a tendency to try to be rather... critical in my posts. I try to help where I can, offering views and advice to see that people can reach more potentials and improve their works.
However, this is no topic for art - this is a topic for characters! As an RPer, having a decently written character is your first creative step into inhabiting the world you're involving yourself in. It's the way you bring your own outlet into other's lives, and it's how other RPers will initially percieve you. In this regard then, it's very important to get those characters RIGHT.
As such, here I endeavour to take any characters put forward to me, and do my best to break them down and have a look at what the strengths and weaknesses of them are from a written standpoint, as well as looking at what could be done to improve them

Now, I'll warn you in advance, this will be largely a critical excercise. Whilst I will highlight the good points, I won't be pulling punches on noting where things could do with changing and altering.
At the same time however, don't consider any criticism in this topic as 'malicious'. Everything I say and do here will be an attempt to help you see and hear what your character looks like from an outside perspective - and from there, allow you to change things as you see fit.
Similarly, I won't be forcing changes on anything. You might come away from this topic thinking I've had nothing of value to say, and keep your character just as they are - and you're in your right to do that. It's your character, and I understand they can be precious to you. I'm not rewriting anything for you - just giving an opinion you can choose whether or not to take.

And now, with that all out of the way, is there anyone who'd like to put their character forward? You can either link me to their profile here, or alternatively if you lack a profile topic, or are just wanting to put forward a concept, give that a quick write-up for me and I'll see what I can do for you.

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A Review Of Character Empty Re: A Review Of Character

Post by CyanFox on Fri Jan 31, 2014 3:00 pm

Sure. I'll be the first. I'm pretty sure you can pick out some things.
http://sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t1961-boubka-the-fox-update#132394

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A Review Of Character Empty Re: A Review Of Character

Post by Caliburn on Fri Jan 31, 2014 4:28 pm

http://sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t2168-ebonia-roxas-wip
Work In Progress of course but reviewing what's there maybe? XD;

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A Review Of Character Empty Re: A Review Of Character

Post by Dregan on Fri Jan 31, 2014 5:33 pm

Hey Boubka! Thanks for swinging by. I'll try and sorta go through this bit by bit, just to make it sorta easier to know what I'm talking about. I'll start off on the 'overall' then break it down bit by bit.
(Also, I apologise in advance for how long-winded it is; it's not all criticism, but I have to spend a lot of time explaining points or what I mean. This'll become less of an issue over time when I have other reviews to refer back to, but in this case it's due to it being the first review, and thus I need to clarify a lot more on what the points I'm making are.)

And a hello to you Burn! I'll get to your character in a bit. Wasn't expecting to be writing as much as I did, so gonna take a breather, then move onto yours.

Overall;
As profiles go, nothing bad, has pretty much all the standard segments of information we know; strengths, weaknesses, all that sorta thing. It could potentially be presented a bit better buuut that's no criticism of the character itself, that's just a sake of making it easier reading for anyone who wants to read up on your character; grammar fixes and the like and maybe bolding things like 'name', 'nickname', 'gender', 'species', etc., just to make it easier to scan through and find what information we're looking for. Looking through the whole thing, I'm getting the impression you used a template which was... not inherently bad, but is certainly flawed. There's nothing wrong with using profile templates, but it's important too to adapt them to better suit the character and the needs of what you're trying to say. But still, as I say, that's all higgledy piggledy - we're here to talk about the character, so as such, I'll move on to them.

Reference;
All basic information strikes as fine enough. I will admit, there was one thing I was gonna bring up here which is a peeve of mine, buuut you have covered it later. Normally I'd question the idea of a 14-year-old being in possession of their own house; it's a big thing in the fandom where people seemingly too young for their own upkeep somehow have their own place of residence. Still, reading the glimpse of backstory you have sorta explains that it's not exactly his house, but more, parents aren't home all that commonly. As such, I'll be letting this one slide for now.

Physical Stats;
Short section, with no real complaints about the character here - a fast character with slightly above average intelligence? Perfectly reasonable and balanced in terms of the Sonicverse. The only real thing I do have to mention here - and this is gonna come up a lot in later parts of the profile too, I'll warn you ahead of time - is clutter. You have a lot of points of the profile where you speak about things we don't neccesarily need to know - for example 'normal' power and 'normal' agility here. If something fits within our expectations, you don't really need to tell us. It's like putting;
Legs: Two
Head: On neck

See what I mean? I'd suggest taking the significant parts of this, and maybe combining it with your skills/ability section later on. I'll sorta provide an example of what I'm talking about when we get there.

Social Status;
I'm gonna be honest, this section feels very... barren. Most of the sections are... pretty vague, and we don't learn much about the character here. For example;
Enemies: Mean guys
Well... 'mean' is subjective. If you don't get on with someone, you're more than likely to identify them as mean in some regard. You're effectively just saying;
Enemies: Enemies
See what I'm saying? Similarly you have the same issue you had above with listing information we don't need to know - you don't need to explicitally state he has no crush or lover. You can just as easily delete those segments and we'd be able to gather for ourselves that he didn't have any romantic relationships from the fact none were listed.
As a suggestion, it might be a good idea to reformat this area. Instead of listing vague categories with not much information in them, you could change it from 'Social Status' to 'Social Relations'. Then list individuals he knows underneath, and give a bit of information on how they know each other and how they get along. For example;
Social Relations:
-Frank-
Frank and Boubka are best friends from school. Despite knowing each other extremely well, what Frank has never known is that Boubka has been jealous of his shoes this whole time. It is the one thing putting a strain on their otherwise close relationship.
-Austin-
Austin and Boubka don't get on. Despite this, they respect each other's talents in the Egg & Spoon race.

That was just something of a silly example, but you get what I mean? It'd give us a lot more information about the character and the sort of person he is and how he relates to others.

Abilities/Skills:
All of this seems perfectly well balanced for a character. Once again, might have a few layout issues, buuut we'll get back to that, as really the priority here should be the character. Primarily I want to talk about the chaos energy thing. Now, I have no issue with chaos powers - the Sonic universe is full of 'em, and it makes sense in the lore of the universe for characters to have chaos powers. Buuut it'd be nice if you could be a bit more specific? Can he use Chaos Control? Chaos Blast? Chaos Spears?
The problem with being too vague at points like this is it can commonly allow RPers to... well, get away with things they normally shouldn't be able to. For example say I wrote;
Powers: Water Stuff
I then use my character with 'Water Stuff' in an RP where the characters are trapped in a desert. I have my character create water. The other RPers are like; "I thought you could only manipulate water?" and I can respond "Nah, I just wrote 'water stuff'." Then later my character is backed into a corner by a villain... so I just have him absorb the water from the villains body, because 'water stuff' is vague enough to allow me to do that.
Now I'm not accusing you of being the sort of person to do anything like that - I'm just saying, it leaves the potential there. Plus, it leaves people who are RPing with you without much clue as to what you can do... Be specific, and it'll help for everyone.
Now onto the layout point - once again we have information we don't neccesarily need, such as not having weapons and such. I'd suggest combining the Physical Stats section into this and laying it out similarly to the previous section. So you have something like this;
Skills & Abilities:
Speed: Boubka is a fast individual, capable of moving from place to place at high speed.
Intelligence: Whilst not unnaturally intelligent, Boubka is of above-average intelligence for his age.
Chaos powers: Boubka has various chaos powers as a result of the scar on his arm. These powers include;
-Chaos Spear: Boubka can hurl spears of chaos energy at his opponents.
-Chaos Laundry: Boubka can use the power of chaos to do the laundry.

Basically, it allows you to shorten/cut out certain areas of your bio, whilst also allowing you to be a bit more in-depth with what you need to say. I should probably reiterate, that I realise this largely isn't your fault - the template used really hasn't been too helpful for you. Still, it's something to look at.

Strengths and Weaknesses:
Unfortunately this is one I can't really put down to the layout of the bio. I think this is probably one of your weaker areas as a whole as it... well, doesn't really have much in it, and those things that are listed aren't very specific?
Like, you list 'friends' as a strength. But... how are they a strength? Is it that friends motivate him to fight on? Is it that if he's in trouble they'll be there to help. Is a strenght of his that he's good at making friends? It can be interpreted all different ways, and doesn't give us much to go on...
Still, I do congratulate you on not going 'strengths' and immediately jumping to physical or battle-oriented strengths. It's something easy to fall into, and I'm glad you looked outside the box. Still, you could afford a few more strengths in there... Perhaps note his efficiency at looking after himself, considering his living alone a lot of the time at his age? Maybe he's strong-willed? You can even go the physical route, and note the advantages of his speed and similar such here.
Weaknesses has the same issue really... It's rather vague and doesn't give us much insight. I won't go in-depth as I'd be just repeating myself really, but hopefully this is something for you to really think about.

Personality:
Hnnnngggg... now I KNOW this is a template issue, but WOW is this a peeve of mine. When personality is split down like this it sort of... implies some bizarre disassociative personality disorder. I know different people behave differently around different people, but it doesn't tell us much about who the character really is as a person...
Now, by all means, keep how he'll behave with others, but it'd be nice to have just a small part on his personality in general. For example, is he childish or mature? Short-tempered maybe? Happy-go-lucky? Laid back or extremely active? These sorts of things can give us a real insight into your character.
Also, be careful of things such as;
With Family: A very strong bond
Because a 'strong bond' really isn't... a personality. I, and many people I know have strong bonds with their families. However, we still all act differently with them and our personalities and temperaments vary when with them. It's similar to when people write 'crazy' as part of a personality, or 'happy'. 'Crazy' might be what results in a type of personality, but is not one in itself. 'Happy' is an emotion, however WHEN you'll be happy or HOW OFTEN is personality. When writing down you have to really consider 'Is this how my character behaves, or is this some extraneous variable?'

Likes & Dislikes:
Once again, I think this is an issue of the template, so I'll glance over the bizarre addition of 'food' and 'drinks' as their own categories, and address as a whole. I think you can afford to have a bunch more general (or as the layout puts it 'other') likes and dislikes. Things like hobbies he enjoys, the sort of events he might attend, or things in his day-to-day he might enjoy work well for likes. For dislikes, maybe he has a phobia? Or a duty he has to perform that he's not fond of? Those sorts of things can add real depth to your character and make you understand them as a fully fleshed-out individual.

Theme Songs:
Eh, can't criticise this section really. I mean, I always find theme things to be a bit of harmless fun.

Backstory:
Aaaah, backstory. Now, this is rather limited, but what you've got is mostly fine. I'll especially compliment you on both;
A. Having living parents. Dear lord, dead parents everywhere these days, it's good to have someone a bit different in that regard.
B. Having a reason to have the parents away and to have such a young character have a sort of house to themself.
Obviously however, there is very little to go on. As such, here are a few questions to think on which should help you in expanding the bio;
1. Boubka and his sister have been left at home by their parents for most of their life... but what possessed their parents to think it was okay to leave them like that? Do they potentially have a carer who's meant to be there but is instead just taking their parents money and not turning up? Or is a neighbour meant to be checking in regularly?
2. How is Boubka supporting himself and his sister? He needs money for things like clothes, food, etc. Does he have a job? Or were his parents rich and left a lot of money for them both to do what they like with?
3. This one is the one most interesting for me personally. You mentioned earlier that Boubka has a scar on his hand which allows the manipulation of Chaos Energy. This big question for me is, and the most interesting thing you could play around with in his backstory; How did he get that scar?

In Conclusion;
Once again, I apologise for how long-winded this is. There were a lot of things to explain, discuss and go over, just so I could try and make my point clearer in places.
I will admit, before anything else, a lot of the issues with the profile come down to the template, which isn't really your fault. As far as I'm aware, a new template is being worked on as an improvement for the site, so yeah.
Overall though, not a bad character. He doesn't suffer from the issues many characters do, not being overpowered, nor falling into certain backstory cliches. The main issues really are areas of vagueness or areas where information is lacking... Fill those out a bit more, and you're pretty much set!

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A Review Of Character Empty Re: A Review Of Character

Post by Dregan on Sun Feb 02, 2014 10:54 pm

Burn, you're up!

Overall:
Oh god. Oh god. Oh dear god.
I mean, the profile itself is fine, that's not what I'm going on about. But the formatting makes this very hard to read... Like, please, please, please close everything in a bit more. There's so much empty space between sections... and then at the same time you sections like where you've listed the Perks and things where you've not even used single line breaks, and you really could have. ;-;
Anyway, ignoring that, the profile itself is very good! There's evidentally a lot of thought put into the chararacter concept and I can really see the direction you're heading. I've skipped over the sections where nothing is written, so below is just me addressing what you have got.

General:
Nothing at all to complain about here. All perfect reasonable, all makes sense. I'd say as something to optionally consider is maybe what particular species of cat she is, buuut, in terms of Sonic Fandom - plus, I will admit, the majority of my own characters - general species is listing. Just an optional extra for you to consider if you want.

Likes & Dislikes:
...Really, what is it about food and drink which got it to be so seperated out in profiles on this forum? Ah well, no matter. You've got a couple of things beyond that in likes and dislikes - explained a fair bit too, which is good. Lets us know the character a bit more and it means you've got some thoughts into the whys and such. I'd say maybe in likes throw one or two things in hobby-wise? Think what she likes to do in her free time - you note she's a social butterfly of sorts, but does she have any preference in that regard? Pubbing, clubbing? Similarly does she have any private hobbies? Arts and crafts? Video games? Personal sweet raves? It's nice to think about these sort of 'free time interests' as a way of really bringing a character to life as a person in the world, as opposed to just an individual who must move forward on storyline purposes.
Oh, I should also just... 'Even in space there wasn't absoloute silence'? I assume you mean she was in a shuttle or something... Because if she was literally just floating around in space, there would most definitely have been absoloute silence. XP

Appearance:
Does... does glitziness give you a big chest normally? O-o
Just a few things here - once more, nothing too specific. It's overall good, but there are a few minor bits and pieces.
Long brown dyed hair and a long fringe... How long? Shoulder length could be considered pretty long. Half-way down shoulder-blades? Half-way down back? Waist-length? Butt-length? Dragging on the floor? It's not a real issue of sorts, but 'long' is vague. 'Short' and 'medium' you tend to be able to get away with as, in a way, most people will sort of have a vague area of whereabouts these lengths lie, but long can sorta be... anything beyond shoulders really? So yeah, could maybe specify where exactly on the lines of long this long does fall. (I will also admit to this being somewhat nitpicking - everything has been rather fine so far, so offering simple tweaking stuff just where it can be done. XP)
I do find it kinda odd that you have this big descriptive paragraph and then just a few random sub-sections... some of which you've already covered in the paragraph. You can probably get rid of all the sub-sections and just add to the main paragraph anything which you hadn't already covered. For example I'd probably mix your 'flat chested' comment in with the description of her general build.
On the note of build, just gonna quote at you what I said to someone else before about the use of the word 'medium' when describing a build;
Medium? That's... well, what does that really mean? Medium height, medium muscle, medium fat? The issue with things like this is just... medium in relation to what? Like for instance, if I said someone had 'medium muscles', I'd still see them as more muscular than 'average' muscles because of the pure amount of people who have no real show of muscle at all. It's nit-picky, I know, but it's a matter of clarity more than anything else.
You could probably just bring your build stuff into the paragraph by just saying something liiike...
Ebonia has a sleek build, having an average height with only the lightest of muscle tone, and nothing really in the way of fat. Despite often being described as having an 'attractive figure', she is curved only subtly at her sides, with a flat chest adding to the overall litheness of her body.
I mean, that might not be entirely accurate, and you may wanna change it up, but just trying to show example of a way you can bring across what you're wanting without using vague words such as 'medium'.

Perks & Flaws:
All perfectly reasonable perks and flaws - not only that, you've done a nice job of justifying too. Pretty much all the things you've listed are entirely acceptable and well-balanced.
If I did have any suggestions, it's maybe add more personal perks and flaws? Like, a lot of these are physical or combat-oriented in a way. Might be nice to at least list a couple more strengths and failings of her personality? Once again though, it's just something optional to consider - the section's really pretty good as it is.

Social Status:
More living family! With realistic relations! This is like, some kind of godsend that I've had two of these in a row.
Only real suggestion is maybe drop Rivalries and Team Relations? Takes some clutter from the bio and you can throw 'em back in when/if they become important.

Skills and Professions:
I always find it odd when equipment is considered a skill, but no matter, that's not too important. What is important is... a percentage of sanity? Really?
Like, I'm not sure if this is a holdover from the template or whatever, but this really does genuinely baffle me. That's... that's not how sanity works. I mean, I guess the reason for this is to go along with the sorta game-like aspect of portions of the bio, such as the character having a 'class' and such, but... I mean, how do you rate that? What percentage is schizophrenia rated at? Or disassociate personality disorder? If you have both do we put the same negative modifier on? Though in that case, enough mental illness and you'd at a minus percentage of intelligence. I just... I can't... what?
Anywhere ignoring that bizarre little instance, have to say the Weapon of Choice made me laugh a bit. It's nothing bad, it's just it sort of reads;
Weapon of Choice: A small laser pistol. A lot of the time she doesn't have it. The times in which she does have it however, she does have it.
I mean, technically that makes sense and is fine, it just amuses me.
Also, I'm a big fan of the fact you've given her an ability, but not really made it a thing she relies on or is even particularly good with. A lot of characters tend to be 'this is my power and this defines me', whereas in real life you WOULD get people either indifferent to their powers or not using them if they're as dime-a-dozen as they tend to be in the Sonic Fanverse.
What I've saved for last is the armour... because, this is kinda... eeeh. The main issue is 'resistant to anything nature throws at it'. Now, you do note that it runs through electricity very quickly, however if I quote you from earlier;
Damaging the panel on her right hand can remove assisted control completely, making her have to move herself. Although she can do it with ease.
Now admittedly, power running low fast is an issue if she's on another planet where oxygen and other supports are key. However, if you're using her on say, Mobius... Well, there's oxygen there. So what you're got is a suit of armour which can survive ANYTHING thrown at it, which she can use quite freely, powered or not. On Mobius she's effectively invincible in that regard.
You may wanna add some more draw-backs to it really to leave her a touch more vulnerable... for example, perhaps a manual override to open the suit up from the outside, so enemies can get at her that way by landing a good smack at that? You can explain it away as being for medical purposes, say if she does pass out in the suit or anything so doctors can get into the power armour and get her out of it. That way you get to keep your nigh-on-invincible armour whilst still having a way for her to be plausibly taken on.

Personality Overview:
Hnnnggg... I sorta went over this with Boubka before, so you can probably go read his 'Personality' section to get a good idea of where I'm going with this. The issue with laying out like this is that it has a tendency to fall... out of personality and into behaviours. Furious with enemies? Well a lot of people would be, they're considered 'enemies'. You do seem to've been alright with this in a lot of segments, but still, there's one or two eyebrow-raising portions where it's like... it gives us peeks into behaviours and portions of personality, but not who she is as a whole.
Now, I'm not saying neccesarily get rid of the segments that are there - I mean, they do still give a character insight of sorts. But at the very least, above that all write a general personality section - not about who they are with different people, but about who they are as a general, in themselves.

Themes:
Speaking of which, Attitude... That section actually contains a lot in terms of personality traits, as well as bits and pieces which also belong in other parts of the bio. You have likes and dislikes in here which could go to that relevant section, and mention the OCD thing which could be considered in the perks and flaws section. My advice to you? Dismantle attitude, add some of the relevant things from it to the sections they belong. ESPECIALLY add some of this to the Personality section as general personality traits. It saves you on having additional sections you don't neccesarily need, and will help add further depth to the more important ones.

In Conclusion:
Seeming to be a very good profile so far! Well-rounded, thought out, you seem to have a really good concept. Didn't really give me too much to criticise either.
Can't wait to see the completed profile! Hope I've been of some help!

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A Review Of Character Empty Re: A Review Of Character

Post by ShadyClash on Thu Feb 06, 2014 1:17 am

http://sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t2116-clash-the-hedgehog

You're doing a really great job at reviewing! Be completely honest with me on my character, I need some improvement tips to go off of.

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A Review Of Character Empty Re: A Review Of Character

Post by True Lycalo on Thu Feb 06, 2014 6:52 am

Characters are always in need of improvement and I commend you for volunteering to analyze characters much like you do. I myself would much appreciate some brutally honest feedback. So go all out on my character and don't hold anything back. He's never got any critique, so it's much needed.

http://sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t1735-tharros-polemistis

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A Review Of Character Empty Re: A Review Of Character

Post by Dregan on Fri Feb 07, 2014 1:40 pm

Hey guys, thankyou very much for putting your character's forward! Unfortunately I'm away for the weekend, so won't be able to get to them immediately, but I'll try and get 'em done upon my return.

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A Review Of Character Empty Re: A Review Of Character

Post by lady-tragedy on Mon Feb 10, 2014 9:30 pm


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A Review Of Character Empty Re: A Review Of Character

Post by Dregan on Sat Feb 15, 2014 6:41 pm

Okay, finally started to get around to these. Clash, you're up first!

Overall:
Overall the bio is fine enough. You seem to have a relatively balanced character, with no major issues outstanding. There were a few problems here and there - primarily tidbits in the History section - but nothing significantly dragging your bio down.
In terms of the layout, you're mostly okay - not sure if everything needs to quite be spaced out as much as you have, and certain pieces of information seem to be well... rammed together in certain sections, or in sections where they don't really belong, but still. Overall is fine.

Main Information:
Wow there's a bungle of information in this section. Most of it is fine - general information I'd expect to hear. Though there are a few... bits which aren't neccesarily wrong but are rather... odd. Primarily in the Likes and Dislikes, so I'll go there first.
Most of the likes are fine (Not gonna repeat myself on the oddity of seperating food and beverages into their own like and dislikes section, otherwise I'll be saying that practically every review), though some of them seem very... open, vague, or kinda generic. For example 'winning' is a case of... well, is there anyone who DISLIKES winning? Similarly, you should use likes as a way of considering what your character likes to do in his free time. Beyond 'loud music' I really can't tell you anything about what he likes in his day-to-day life. Does he have any hobbies? Anything he prefers to do when not fighting? If he is a fightaholic then maybe just training or seeking out opponents? That sorta thing can really help flesh him out.
Dislikes had it's own couple of oddities, for example, 'lengthy friendship speeches'. Er, ignoring the end of Sonic Heroes, when's the last time you heard one of these happen? Like, it's sort of a stereotypical trope for fiction and stuff, but in terms of RPing and such and what actually happens in the world... how often do people randomly spiral off into friendship speeches? It just seems an oddly specific dislike for something which hardly-if-ever happens. The year 2006 is an odd one too. You're saying he has a current dislike for something which happened 8 years ago? 'Cause I mean, it's not exactly like 2006 will be regularly happening again for him to dislike. Or is it mearly the concept of 2006 he dislikes? If we altered the Gregorian Calendar, and declared next year to be 2006, will he dislike that year when it comes to it? See what I'm getting at? It just seems a very odd thing to list as a dislike.
The appearance I'll say is lacking, but you do effectively give the basic info. Plus, you have a picture, so eh, doesn't fuss me too much - we can see what he looks like, don't need much more than that.
Perks and flaws seem relatively balanced. I will note, you can afford to make some of these non-combat oriented. You seem to have a rather large fighting focus with the character, and I think you can really afford to maybe explore the other areas of your character a bit.

Social Status:
Seems to be relatively okay in regards to just organising for yourself base relations with other characters. Although it is kinda oddly inconsistent in some regard. Like, for most things you list characters who fit into the category; apart from the team portion, where instead you're talking about his attitude towards teaming. It just strikes as odd.
I'd also really like to address this;
Social Status: People say he looks friendly enough, but keep distance knowing of his Bounty Hunter occupation.
That... Well, who says this? If I saw him walking down the street, would my first impression upon seeing him be 'well he looks friendly'? Why? You could say that maybe this is according to his friends, but in that case then they wouldn't really be avoiding him.
Similarly on that note, if we're talking about people keeping their distance due to knowing he's a Bounty Hunter... Well, how do they know that? Does he have 'Bounty Hunter' printed in big letters on the back of his jacket? If not, how do they tell? Is he a famous Bounty Hunter? If so, that's kind of an issue. If a Bounty Hunter becomes famous enough to be known on sight, it's a worrying prospect for them as it means they can't approach targets without being known. Reeeaaally think about what you're actually saying in this sentence here.

Skills and Professions:
I... honestly don't really have many issues with this section. It's kinda sparse, but whatever, not much needs to be said. I still find - as I have said in other profiles - the inclusion of certain categories as 'sane' quite odd, especially when there's absoloutely nothing notable about their sanity. In one of the previous reviews I noted about this sort of thing;
You have a lot of points of the profile where you speak about things we don't neccesarily need to know - for example 'normal' power and 'normal' agility here. If something fits within our expectations, you don't really need to tell us. It's like putting;
Legs: Two
Head: On neck

See what I mean?
I'll also note... you have a strengths/weaknesses section here. Now, these are understandable combat-based, but... Didn't we already go over strengths and weaknesses for combat in your perks/flaws portion earlier? You may as well just combine the two together and have it all down here.

Personality Overview:
Hmmmm... Find that I'm gonna be repeating myself a lot here. As such, gonna go briefly quote myself from both previous reviews;
Hnnnngggg... now I KNOW this is a template issue, but WOW is this a peeve of mine. When personality is split down like this it sort of... implies some bizarre disassociative personality disorder. I know different people behave differently around different people, but it doesn't tell us much about who the character really is as a person...
Now, by all means, keep how he'll behave with others, but it'd be nice to have just a small part on his personality in general. For example, is he childish or mature? Short-tempered maybe? Happy-go-lucky? Laid back or extremely active? These sorts of things can give us a real insight into your character.
The issue with laying out like this is that it has a tendency to fall... out of personality and into behaviours. Furious with enemies? Well a lot of people would be, they're considered 'enemies'.
There's not much else I can say about this section which isn't covered in those quotes right there.

Themes:
Nooot gonna spend too long here, though there are a couple of things to note. For a start, I like that you actually wrote a little about why he might wear the clothing that he does. It's a nice li'l touch - not something I'd demand people to do for most profiles, but it shows you've thought about it.
Attitude... well, it seems this is another case of personality randomly not being in the personality section? It should probably be moved up there - and should be looked at a bit more in-depth. You give us very little to go on here... I mean, usually kind and outgoing unless he's fighting? Is... that it? Does he have a short-temper or is he laid-back? Is he battle-hungry? I got the impression of that earlier in the profile, so it'd be something to mention here. I'd suggest taking a good look at this section, and having a think of who your character really is.

History:
Oooh boy this is an interesting one. I mean, your base idea is fine, but the details... they need some ironing out. I'll pick out a few key examples;
Upon arrival, G.U.N Officials quickly noticed Clash and his evident Mobian Hedgehog heritage. G.U.N still remembering the power Sonic and Shadow could display, quickly took this hedgehog into custody and made him the government's pet project.
Eeeeh, this is shakey reasoning at best. I mean, I understand where you're coming from, believe me - Sonic, Shadow and Silver are all extremely powerful and talented into their own rights as hedgehogs. But... I mean, can you consider them representative of the species as a whole? Amy Rose is also a hedgehog - was she taken into the G.U.N equation? On top of which, you're in the Sonic fan community. Look around this forum alone for an example of the pure amount of hedgehog characters. It's hard to justify people seeing your character as being special for being a hedgehog, when hedgehogs really are dime-a-dozen in the community. Especially when you further consider that different people's characters are all of varying power levels, meaning G.U.N can't really expect anything consistently powerful from an individual just being 'a hedgehog'. Now, by all means, have your character be G.U.N's special pet project... but you're probably gonna have to come up with a better reason.
But when G.U.N wanted to see his super form, he failed expectations. Officials would yell and beat Clash in attempts for him to reach the powerful form, but he always had the same green quills.
But... super forms don't work like that. Especially if you're using Sonic and Shadow as the examples, super forms work from Chaos Emeralds. G.U.N is a major government agency, surely they should know this from all the evidence?
If you want a little help on this point, maybe suggest that G.U.N created a device to try and force individuals into a super state. Then when it didn't work on Clash, they took their frustrations out on him, rather than accepting the device wasn't working? It still gives the same effective outcome for what you want, just alters the context to work a bit more within the world.
Clash now has horrible traumas whenever he is being yelled at, he will collapse, cry, and beg for the yeller to not hit him.
Genuine trauma, that's not a bad thing to have actually, not gonna knock it. Your character is damaged, fine enough... just gonna ask why none of this is mentioned in any form of personality section? This, THIS is key important personality. It can also fit into flaws and weaknesses. This is extremely important information about your character - use it to inform your other areas too.
This is possibly the only drawback from his years at G.U.N.
He was imprisoned against his will for years, forced to be a government pet project, and more than likely mistreated on a general basis... but the crying after being yelled at is the ONLY drawback? This guy must have a reeeeaaal optimistic outlook on life. Either that or he's very forgiving.
Now, don't get me wrong as I've said quite a lot on this section. The overall concept is fine; Street kid commits crimes, arrested, turned into government pet project, abused, escapes. That all on it's own it's fine. It's just those details you reeeaaally need to iron out to give yourself a solid standing history.

In Conclusion:
There's nothing too bad in the profile. If anything you're struggling for, it's just details in certain sects. You have a lot of good general ideas, but the filling in on those seems to be your issue - either in regards to areas where the details may need altering (like in the history) or are just plain not there at all (such as in terms of personality). Take your time, and really consider deep down the smaller parts of your character - that should hopefully allow you to iron it all out and come up with a good well-rounded profile.

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Post by X-wingFighter43 on Sat Feb 15, 2014 11:29 pm

nevrmind


Last edited by X-wingFighter43 on Thu Oct 09, 2014 12:39 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Character has already bee n reviewed)

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Post by MisterEightySix on Sun Feb 16, 2014 4:59 am

I'm thinking of updating my cast again, so if you wouldn't mind giving me the full treatment on all four of my main characters, that'd be great.

http://sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t1362-redo-of-mr-86-s-characters
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Post by Cyril Wer Kaldra on Tue Feb 18, 2014 5:06 pm


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Post by Dregan on Mon Sep 01, 2014 12:19 am

I apologise, I sorta vanished there for... 6 or 7 months? However, now I am ready to reopen this topic and start reviewing once more! I have no idea who still is or isn't here, or who's updated their profiles or what... As such, I'm clearing off the list of who I need to do for now. Now don't think this means if you've already asked for a review you're getting screwed - simply alert me you're still around a still want a review, and you'll be shifted up to the top of the current list so you can get the review as-per-owed. So... yes! Open for reviews once more!

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Post by True Lycalo on Wed Sep 03, 2014 9:30 pm

Ohey, welcome back. 

So if your reopening this thing, I wouldn't mind if you review the character I requested before. I checked and it seems I was next in line lol. Well, whenever you get to this will be much appreciated. Thanks so much.

http://sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t1735-tharros-polemistis

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Post by DeuxExDimensia on Wed Sep 03, 2014 9:53 pm

http://sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t1748-twilight-the-greater-kitsune-shadow

RELUCTANTLY PUSHES LINK FORWARD

It's only a matter of time before someone reviews this guy, might as well be a member on this site. 

I think he's p good but whatevs you never know.

EDIT**: I took Economic Class and Occupation out of his bio since I felt it wasn't really necessary uwu

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Post by PersimmonAutumn on Sat Sep 27, 2014 3:58 am

Hello, I'm rather new to this forum and I just posted a bio, so perhaps you could review it? She was an old character that I revamped.

http://sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t2734-amber-wolfe
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Post by Dregan on Wed Oct 01, 2014 3:33 am

Thankyou very much for putting your characters forward! Sorry for the slow progress, but man sometimes these reviews take a while to write.
True Lycalo, finally got around to doing your long-awaited review - hope it satisfies!

Overall:
Oooh boy, here we go. Now, that might seem like quite a negative opening sentence, but bear with me - because it's not that the profile's bad. Quite the contrary actually, for the most part it's a pretty well put-together profile. The problem is - and I know this as something others have mentioned to me before - he's a very hard character to criticise.
This isn't to say he's flawless either, it's more... the issues present may not neccesarily be issues unto themselves, but rather, present issues moving forth or bringing things to the forefront. I'm probably not phrasing that well, and that's sorta why it's been taking so long... It's hard to exactly word what the issues present are correctly to get out what is actually meant.
Still, I'll try my best to communicate what I want to. This is a very well-written profile, with a lot of thought put into the overall character. But I think it's thinking into the specifics where we've really gotta look in-depth.

General Information:
I realise that unlike some of the previous bios that you've not actually split the bio down into sections. That's fine, however I'm still going to segment for myself because... well, that makes life easier in the long run.
The first thing that strikes is his age. Now I'm not going to say that having a looong lifespan character is a bad thing - I've seen plenty of characters with a few hundred years behind them. The issue is well... 2000 years is a very long time - especially if you consider how real-world we're only just past the year '2000' itself. At that age, he'll come from a time where even the concept of 'countries' was kinda vague, with a lot of areas still being filled with tribes and kingdoms which didn't conform to maps or world order - you have to consider with a character of this age whether you've really let that impact the character and his worldview in any way, or if you've just popped the number '2000' on there just because you want immortality as a thing with the character? You list him as 'lawful neutral' but to what law? The law of today, the law of the past he was born into, or his own personal law? Time changes everything. You really have to question, with his backstory, could I achieve the same thing with just... 200 or 300 year that I'm trying to do with 2000?
Similarly, HOW has he lived this long? I note you state his aging process is decelerated - is that because he's a griffin? And at what rate does this decelaration work? If it's a constant rate, he'd still be going through puberty at 1000 years of age.
Lastly, you have to consider what he's been doing with himself ALL that time. With someone who's say... 200, it's quite easy. Where was he 120 years ago? Let's say... he spent a brief time as a pirate. But if he's 2000 and I ask where he was 1200 years ago? Well, you're gonna be a lot vaguer, you have to be. What you wind up with is a character with a huge vague open background spanning multiple lifetimes you as the writer probably can't even comprehend. Background is one of the most important things for a character, and if you have wide open spaces of vagueness, it means you as the writer can't even know your character all that well.
In all that time he will probably have loved, lost, and never known true long-lasting happiness with other people. That's fine if that's what you want for the character - but just don't expect other people to be able to relate to him if that is the case. After 2000 years, a person isn't going to be like any person we know today - it'd be like meeting an alien trapped on your own planet, always a step away.
This age deal also feeds into the next issue, which is the IQ. Now, I have no issue with his IQ being so high - the Sonic Universe and collective Fanverse likes throwing around insanely high IQs like they're going out of fashion, and IQ of 195 is actually quite reasonable by that standard - hell, it's not the highest IQ of people ACTUALLY IN THE WORLD, which is amazing considering how over-eager some writers can be with IQ.
The issue is the explanation... and it does make sense. Okay, he's been around a long time, he's gonna pick up A LOT of information. The main thing here is that you as a writer have to be careful here, as you can use that explanation as an excuse to powerplay A LOT. You can pretty much take any situation where there's a puzzle or a knowledge of history involved, and just throw out 'oh yeah, well Tharros would know everything about this because he's that old he would know'. This is less a character issue, and more something you just have to be VERY wary of as a writer. Points like this can wind up an excuse to do and know anything - and that can make for a VERY frustrating character for others to try and consider or write around if they're interacting with him.

Likes, Dislikes, Hobies and Talents:
Likes are all fine enough - and it makes sense that he might be quite big on literature and poetry the era he originates from. Dislikes... hm, I can sorta get what you're doing with his dislike of technology. After all, he's a figure of many years. Many MANY years - it's the sorta old man thing of 'back in my day we didn't need this and we still don't need this'. That's fine, sure, whatever.
The only real thing I'd question is... I'm curious if he's always been like that with every development in technology? He's lived 2000 years - before electric he'll've seen steam, clockwork, gas, all of that develop. When each of those developed, did he hate them too? If so, did he eventually get over that and adapt? If not, is it only true modern technologies he hates - and if that's the case WHY is it only current technological updates he's chosen to hate? Just a handful of things to ponder.
Moving to hobbies and talents and... uh, I'm beginning to notice something in the way you write this profile. You seem to open up a lot of segments with something along the lines of;
Besides the whole fighting/combat thing, he also...
Now this would be fine, if not for the fact prior to now we've established nothing about combat - you did the same thing in the Likes too. I'm not sure if you've wrote the profile in one order and then rearranged it, but at the moment it seems to assume we know so much of the character already and that now it's telling us the extra. This is less a character issue, more a profile format issue. If he likes combat, don't open with;
Aside from combat...
Open with;
One of his loves is combat...
And expand that a little from there. Remember, if people are coming to read your profile, it's to learn about your character, you can't assume they all already know.
Anywho, beyond that, the hobbies are all fine, except for this one sentence;
It is something he thoroughly and has become rather experienced in doing so...
It is something he thoroughly indeed my young friend. Might wanna give that one a quick check-over.
But seriously, hobbies is fine - quite a unique set as far as characters I've seen go. Most tend to go rather generic hobbies, so it's nice to have a character with a relatively individual set.

Appearance:
Appearance is fine as far as I'm really concerned. The only issue I'd really consider is... well, say tomorrow I went to an artist and just told them to draw me 'an anthro griffin'. I'm willing to bet the result would be rather similar to your own character. Might wanna come up with a few more... individual and unique features, just to make him stand out individualistically - whether it be something on his body or maybe just a piece of token clothing to give him a bit more character in his appearance. Beyond that, good in-depth description that helps to detail every little feature.

Personality:
Woah man, paragraphs! Seriously, the enter key can really help sometimes!
In all seriousness though, glad to see you've really got a lot of detail and thought in the personality. Personality is one thing that a lot of people tend to just skim briefly, so it's nice to see something more than 'he is a cool guy and friendly and people like him'.
I do notice one oddity with an almost immediate focus on his personality in relation to combat - it seems a lot of things in the profile generally start out or are preceded by battle-oriented text. I understand that combat might be a big deal for the character, but it's worrying when 'how he deals with enemies' is the priority of his personality over how he behaves on a more general basis. Still, I won't linger on that too long, but it does cause at least some personal concern as to whether your focus is with the character himself as a whole, or with your character as just a 'fighter'. I mean, I'm not saying you've not put a lot of thought into everything else - you certainly have, this is a jam pack bio. It just worries me if part of you is wanting to make the rest take a back seat to the more combatitive side you seem eager to get onto first. I realise later down the personality you note how his personal life revolves somewhat around combat, but at the same time, unless he's fighting literally daily... his normal personality is gonna be what we see the most of.
Ignoring how long it does take to get to his actual general day-to-day personality, you have put a lot of thought into both positives and negatives of his personality. He's not entirely positive traits, which is good. At the same time, there is still... one particular thing that kinda makes me cringe to be honest;
That being said, he has the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation with no problem. He can easily face physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death. He acts rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement.
It's an almost... flippant disregard to the problems of existence. Like no matter what situation, no matter how bad things are, he'll always perfectly find his way out, and frankly not give a damn about it. Add the general note of always 'acting right' in the face of problems. A character like that is... frankly unrelatable to most - it starts sounding less like an individual and more like a fairytale knight who will save the day, hold to his morals and do no wrong. It's fine enough having negatives in personality - and I do like how much of a focus you did give TO his negatives. At the same time, he needs to at least have some flaw in his capabilities too to be a truly rounded character.
Lastly - and this ties in with earlier - are you really writing a man you can imagine to've lived 2000 years here? I'm not saying this is inaccurate to someone that age - I don't know, noone's lived that long for a comparison point. It's just something to mull over - after 2000 years will someone still care about keeping their looks? Will they still fight for a cause despite having seen empires rise and crumble and knowing how short-lasting everything else is in the end? After all he's seen with or without improvement, does he still believe the world can be bettered? At 2000 years, does he still consider matters of a personal level, or has he gained a more world-aware view that makes him less attached to events on an individual level?
I can't answer any of those questions, you might decide in the end that how he acts now is perfectly fine for a 2000 year old. What I'm suggesting at least though is that you at least take time to think if you feel happy that the character's personality reflects his age and what he's seen through all that time.

Abilities:
Holy hell this section is HUGE. Let's see what we've got here... Enhanced Condition, Enhanced Senses, Flight, Pride Empowerment, Telekinesis, Telepathy, Aerokinesis, Geokinesis... Have you ever plausibly considered that this might be... a bit much? Including those and his weapon skills/fighting technique, and that's literally about half your bio. That's... way too much. I'm not gonna 'maybe', 'if or 'but' this one, this is a DAMN powerful character, and it's hard to really consider him that balanced with all of this... I usually try to be quite tactful with people, but I promised myself I'd be honest with people when I did this; he's overpowered. Still, I'll go through it all and attempt to pick out any individual issues I can find, and hopefully help you come to some conclusions what is and isn't really appropriate in there...
Enhanced Condition would be... fine for a purely melee combatitive character. However, what you've basically listed down is;
He's better than everyone physically, being stronger than them, faster than them, and better trained than them. He's also better trained mentally, incapable of being uncoordinated with a better memory than everyone else. This is his first power, now wait til I list all of my others!
It's almost insulting to other people's writing. You've effectively wrote a character who's perfect in every standardiesed physical and mental way - someone who is genuinely just plain better than literally everyone else's characters in every standard way... And then he has powers TOO, just in case they thought they could have something over in that regard. If he's really as good as you write him to be here, what care have we got for the conflicts he gets in? It's almost like he feels too perfect to lose, and therefore loses all drama and tenseness surrounding any situation he might be in. And considering he's seemingly meant to be a combat-based character, losing that sort of intensity in combats is a BIG issue.
Enhanced Senses are... fine really, once again just an issue of 'oh, this on top of everything else'. It's a lot more well balanced than his Enhanced Condition stuff though, and feels a lot more interesting. Only real issue is that you seem to've wrote it twice.
Flight is fine enough, if 400mph speeds are... somewhat eyebrow raising. But whatever, Sonic can run somewhere over 761mph, it's not too criminal. The addition of being able to survive in the vaccuum of space for a short while seems... silly and unneccesary, but whatever. Once again, Sonic fandom, we got hedgehogs wandering around in space with no suits on every other game, can't groan really.
Pride Empowerment... urngh, potentially unlimited power is really... Nooo. Especially as such a 'passive' buff. All he has to do is 'be proud enough' and he gains powers - powers which one can assume will probably give him reason to be more proud of how powerful he is. And then he can be more proud because he has more power. And then gets more power because he has more pride. From which he can be gain more pride. 'Absolute infinite power' indeed...
Now having an alternate 'super powered form' is fine, don't get me wrong on that - in fact, considering your bio, makes a lot of sense to keep this. But you run into this thing I mentioned earlier with your character's IQ of vagueness and openness. You have a character who can become infinitely powerful based on purely his emotional state - I can only think of one comparison point to that and that's The Hulk. Only The Hulk requires actual things to be angry about and lacks the cohesive thought to put that infinite power to much coherent use. He can't just passively become the most powerful thing in existence because he's feeling good about himself.
Basically, keep Pride Empowerment, but it NEEDS a limit, and perhaps make it somewhat... more specific/hard to access. Maybe be a bit more specific on what it CAN and CAN'T do too, so you won't have the vagueness of what powers he can randomly pull with it.
Telekinesis is fine really - feels kinda unneccesary for him as a character concept, but I don't particularly have any qualms with it. Telepathy seems fine too - not so sure on the 'can see persons literally every thought, memory and dream whilst keeping exact 100% awareness of the world around him', but still, telepathy isn't a real issue.
Aerokinesis... I agree that it's limited in at least variation of what he can do with it. Power-wise though, despite being 'limited' and at his lowest pride level he's still pretty powerful - powerful enough to cut through metal with just the flap of his wings. That isn't neccesarily unbalanced, just seems odd to say he's so limited when he can still probably shred most people with it.
Geokinesis is a bizarre one to say the least - I dunno, that's probably just a personal thing. Seems that it's kind of an unneccesary addition - aerokinesis seems fitting with the Griffin thing, but this just seems an excuse to have more powers.
The weapon... sounds cool, not gonna lie. Maybe impractical, but eh, never cared much for practicality in my fictional weapons, coolness factor generally is the way to go in my mind for that. I find it's operation as a boomerang kind of... odd, seems an unneccesary extra and I find it quite hard to buy from such a bulky weapon - still I suppose that's once again rule of cool. I do like the weapon.

Combat Styles and Weaknesses:
It's around this point that I'm beginning to sorta settle on the real issue I'm having with this character thus far;
Tharros has studied and mastered innumerable styles of different Martial Arts, giving him physical, mental and spiritual perfection when it comes to hand-to-hand combat.
Perfect... is a bad word. You don't want a character to be perfect in any regard - perfect isn't interesting, perfect isn't real, and you seem to really want to push the idea that this character... IS perfect. That no matter what action he takes it will always be right, that if he comes to any conflict it will be surpassed. And that is a huuuge issue, because it doesn't allow for growth. It builds a static character, who we don't believe can do any wrong or suffer any issue - so why should we care?
I had a little more to say on this, but I think I'll save it for the conclusion. It feels something important to leave you on, so I'll come back to this.
Back on track, where you're not bigging the character up, the combat style all seems fine. I like you've actually put thought into his general approach to combat, and also put in a few unique bits and pieces - like use of the tail, which I feel is often unfortunately neglected by a lot of people who write anthros. Props to you on that one.
Weaknesses are... well. Hm. After such a powerful bio so far, it's really not good to open with saying how few weaknesses he has. They're also kinda contradictory to other points...
Primarily looking at you stating his agility is slightly below average - you say here;
His agility is slightly below average ... he can be put at a disadvantage against fast fighters.
Yet earlier, under 'Enhanced Condition' you say this;
Tharros has drastically enhanced reaction speed, allowing him to maneuver around complex attacks, catch falling objects, block detriments and react instantaneously to what others take more time to react to. The extent of this is so great that in Tharros' perspective, the world around him appears to flow at a much slower pace then normal.
So... which is it? Is his speed enhanced, or is he actually slower than other people? I'll be honest, right now I'd prefer the latter, but it's your character. Your call.
Being tall is... I guess a weakness? I wouldn't count it as a particularly significant one, it's shared with a lot of people... It seems more like you're scraping for things to put in this section to make him seem more balanced - especially with previous notes of how he can practically predict and dodge every attack.
Next weakness is lack of ranged attacks which... isn't entirely true. He has his aerokinesis, geokinesis that goes up to 15 yards, boomerang blade and telekinesis. None of them are neccesarily HUGE range, but he's at least a medium-range character, with a lot built around closing in anyway.
Ghosts and spirits seems to be another... well, sorta 'general' issue. You need to consider what weaknesses are Tharros-specific. Because if they apply to the majority of people, they're not really weaknesses - they're facts of life.
His pride possibly being his undoing is good - you've built the character hugely on pride, and it's good you've thought about it's negatives. I am a bit shakey about the note that he actively puts himself on a weaker level than his opponents 'cause it once again belittles other characters who go up against him, but beyond that detail the fact his pride causes him to make his mistakes is a good direction. Especially in a world where a lot of people like to reduce weaknesses to 'opposing elements' or whatever.

Backstory:
After quite a bit of negativity earlier on, I'm happy to say I have no huge issues with the story. It can verge slightly on cheesy at times I admit - what with the 'bad guy killed my parents' angle, and one particular line about 'the endless power of love'. Still, the parents death is a tried and trodden angle, and whilst it can be overused, it's generally a solid framework for a starting point - plus in this character's case it at least plays into the arc of his backstory, as opposed to just being something for him to constantly gripe about in the current era.
I do have to say, it goes a bit vague between the second and third paragraphs. It basically states Tharros decided to follow his parents wishes and take out Malefor... but in the next paragraph he's still leading the same legions? A lot of clarification would be good here - plus, some more clarification with whatever happened to the legion. I know it's meant to largely be sorta... mysterious and vague, but it leaves everything very open. I'm not sure if this is because it's a secret you're wanting to keep, or if you're not entirely certain yourself, but it feels the back half of the story could do with some refining just to give a more clear look at the character and his driving motivations that bring him forward.

In Conclusion:
I realise looking back over that a lot of this review probably comes off as quite... negative. And I want to clarify something before anything else; I don't hate the profile. You've blatantly put a lot of effort and thought into it, and I can see a lot of potential throughout. Your overall ideas and concepts are fine... it's when you get into the nitty gritty and details that things get bogged down. You've got paragraphs upon paragraphs of all the things he can do, but tend not to expand much on hugely important details - like the whole 'living 2000 years' thing, which you almost make seem... a minor detail? It seems like certain things need their priorities reconsidered.
This is especially true in terms of balancing out strengths and weaknesses. The character is just too... powerful and too perfect. It's to the point that it feels impossible to emotionally invest in him as a reader, as it feels like he's already won before he does anything.
I understand the want to have a 'good' character. Nobody wants to fall to the background or feel they're writing their character or themselves as a 'side character' in someone else's story. Everyone has at least some desire in them to be a 'badass'. But trying too hard can be overbearing... it's like watching Superman and Batman go at it in a boxing match. We want Batman to win - largely because we believe he can't. Superman is invincible, has super strength, has everything. What should we care if he wins? He didn't ACHIEVE anything, he was already at his peak and noone would expect any different. He's too... perfect. And that detaches us from him. I really think you need to step away from the character for a second and say; 'If this guy wasn't mine - if I was reading this character in a work of fiction or in an RP - how would I feel about him? Would I be one of my own character's fans?' It's something you really need to ponder.
Still, I hope you're not discouraged too much. Once again, you have a good general concept, but the innards really need refining. I hope I've helped to at least give you more of an outside look of your character, to really help you in moving it forward. Keep me updated if anything changes. I'll be interested to see where you go.

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Post by Funkydude527 on Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:29 am

http://sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t2742-sullivan-the-fox

Make it brutal. Like, bloodbath brutal. Im a critique masochist, especially as a newbie. Input is always awesome/welcome for me.
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Post by True Lycalo on Sun Oct 26, 2014 4:01 am

Huh, i didnt see this until now. It doesn't help I have an outdated email address which means I don't receive alerts. I've been so busy that I kinda forgot about this place. But I see Tharros has been given the review he really needs and I appreciate it Dregan. Of course I wish to reply to each individual point of yours, but I'm unfortunately limited on time. Such reply may potentially exceed the length of the review itself, so I shall work on it bit by bit, then either reply in this thread, or through a PM. I thank you once more for taking the time to do this. I'm much grateful.

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Post by CyanFox on Tue Nov 04, 2014 1:25 pm

So I had my character reviewed by you some time ago. I sat behind my desk for a day and did the bio sorta over again. 
SO here it is: www.sonicrpnation.forumotion.com/t1961-boubka-frolig
Just to say, I of course would like you to mark improvements over the last one, but I'd like you to keep it mainly like you are reviewing a totally other bio please. I hope you understand? xD
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Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Tue May 17, 2016 3:39 pm


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Post by Dregan on Mon May 23, 2016 8:44 pm

Sorry dude, I've not really done much with this topic for a couple of years now. Whilst it's something I do consider bringing back at some point, dear lord is it a time sink with the amount I end up writing. I'll post a notification if I ever do get back to doing these.

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Post by Shade the Lazarhog on Tue May 24, 2016 7:21 am

Okay, thank you though. I understand.

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